


Stay alive (that would be enough)

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: AMERICA SINGS FOR YOU, Alex is smol, Alexander Hamilton - Freeform, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/F, F/M, Henry Laurens' a+++ parenting, I think this is gonna be quite long, Just you wait - Freeform, Lams - Freeform, Like so much angst, M/M, Non-Binary Peggy, Other, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Rape, Possible Suicide Attempt?, Suicidal Thoughts, Trigger Warnings, alos ANGST, and george washington is a great dad, and scared of everything, basically everyone is gay fight me, but he doesnt seem it at first, but just you wait, but thats for eliza, coincidentally so does john, dont know if there will be depression but just in case, even so you have been warned, gay relationships, hope you like it, i actaully love him so much, i actually love him so much, im sorry, im sorry i didnt want him to be but there you go, jks no im not, jmads is nice, maria has an actual personality??, marth washington is a great mom, nobody will die though, non-binary Lafayette, non-binary characters, she and eliza are dating, tjeffs is a dick, what am I doing with my life, why have i invested so much time to writing gay fics about the founding fathers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 06:28:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8390764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Alexander Hamilton thought life would be better when he wrote his way to the states but somehow he found everything worse. However he has one last shot with the Washingtons and he's determined not to throw it away, even if he's not sure he can trust them. But Alex is haunted by the demons of his past that threaten to spill out to his new friends. Will they be able to help him stay alive? Or will he throw away his shot...AKA another Washington foster family AU that no one asked for.Updates every Saturday!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I'm honestly not sure how good this will be but I hope you like It anyway. French translations at the end. Trigger warnings, past abuse is very heavily mentioned as well as other things in the tags. I'll try and keep it relatively light but if your looking for a lighthearted fic this probably isn't for you. Also, this is inspired by every other fic like this so if you see anything of yours I can almost guarantee it is. I don't want to claim those ideas as my own, I just want to use them and change those a bit so if you see something similar please don't be offended.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander Hamilton thought life would be better when he wrote his way to the states but somehow he found everything worse. However he has one last shot with the Washingtons and he's determined not to throw it away, even if he's not sure he can trust them. But Alex is haunted by the demons of his past that threaten to spill out to his new friends. Will they be able to help him stay alive? Or will he throw away his shot...  
> AKA another Washington foster family AU that no one asked for.  
> Updates every Saturday!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm honestly not sure how good this will be but I hope you like It anyway. French translations at the end. Trigger warnings, past abuse is very heavily mentioned as well as other things in the tags. I'll try and keep it relatively light but if your looking for a lighthearted fic this probably isn't for you. Also, this is inspired by every other fic like this so if you see anything of yours I can almost guarantee it is. I don't want to claim those ideas as my own, I just want to use them and change those a bit so if you see something similar please don't be offended.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Alexander Hamilton had only been in the American foster system for 6 months and he had already lost hope in child protection services. A pool of dingy light barely filled the run down reception where the teenager sat. He despised the place, it reeked of dust and fear. Mainly due to the neglected janitorial jobs and equally neglected children that resided there. Alexander let out a barely audible sigh and cast his eyes to his hands shaking in his lap, knowing well enough the dismal sight he would be greeted with should he look up. He was used to it by now anyway. Behind a door to his left sat his case worked Mr Seabury, undoubtedly busy signing him away to the next hellhole CPS deemed a 'suitable foster placement'. At this point, Alex was resigned to the fact that his next 'home' would go to shit. They always did. Familiar shame filled him, he knew it was his fault. If he could only control himself, talk less and not be his usual, clumsy self he wouldn't have had to endure the harsh punishments and cold goodbyes. People like him didn't deserve to be treated well, he reminded himself. He was in America purely due to the sacrifices of others. When he was twelve his mother sacrificed the healthcare she so desperately needed to keep Alex alive. After the hurricane had hit others had sacrificed their money to get him sent to America. No, he didn't deserve kindness after he had taken so much. Despite his inner re-assurances, he couldn't help the familiar twinge of disappointment that overcame him. Before he had arrived in the states he had had high hopes for a better future, like many he had grasped the idea of the American dream and ran with it and,like many others, had watched this idea crash and burn around him. Just another failure to add the collection. The thump of a closing door effectively pulled him out of his thoughts and he stood immediately. Snarling, Mr Seabury clapped him unnecessarily hard on the back, causing him to flinch violently. A hand was placed firmly on his shaking shoulder and, try as he might, he couldn't escape the strong grasp. He was half guided-half shoved into the ancient honda civic that sat outside the dismal building, all while Alexander's mind echoed _pleasedon'ttouchmepleasedon'ttouchme._ Once he had been thrust into the car Alex hugged his backpack tightly to his chest, unconsciously pushing himself as far from his case worker as possible. Averting his eyes from the cramped interior of the now familiar car the teen stared out of the dusty window and watched the country scenery blur past him. After a while he finally worked up the courage to speak. Quietly, the boy asked 'w-where are we g-going?' An amused smirk passed over Mr Seabury's face at Alex's stutter but nonetheless passed him a black, plastic folder labelled A.Hamilton. He had never seen this before. Tentatively he opened the folder and recoiled when he was presented with the all-too-familiar profiles of Mr and Mrs king, he quickly turned the page but only came face to face with Mr Eaker who had been even worse. Knowing his last foster home would be on the next page he skipped over and was intrigued to see the smiling faces of a family he didn't recognise. Skimming over the information on the page he noted that they had another adopted child, a french boy judging by his extensive name. He really hoped he wouldn't be expected to memorise the whole thing. Scanning the rest of the paper he did a double take as he read the words' location: Mount Vernon, Virginia.' So that's where they were going. He slumped despairingly into the uncomfortable seat. He was going to be trapped. Mr Seabury had been highly reluctant to collect him from placements twenty minutes away, he definitely wouldn't travel all the way from New York. He felt his throat start to close up as panic settled in. There was no way out. Desperately he tried to calm his breathing, knowing that if Mr Seabury were to notice him he would see he was ever more fucked up than he thought. Un, Deux, Trois ,inhale, one two three exhale. Once he had finally calmed down Alex tried in vain to get comfortable for the long journey ahead. _This is going to be fun._

\- - - - - - - - - - - - 

Seemingly years later a pair of imposing gates had allowed them access and they had stopped in an obnoxiously long driveway. The gates had made him panic, it would be hard to get away quickly, if ( _when_ ,he mentally scolded himself) he needed too. His fear only increased as he looked at his new home. A huge house loomed above him, at least three stories, topped by a bright red roof, complete with large white pillars, dwarfing the couple stood outside with their size. A sinking feeling filled him. Great. Big houses were never good, it was easier to conceal what happened inside their walls with the facade of wealth. His first home had been similarly imposing. Oh, how naive he had been. He could still feel the unutterable delight he had felt at the idea of finally having the life he had dreamed of. If only he had known it was all about to go to shit... Repressing a shudder at the memory he attempted to get out of the car as quietly as possible as to not attract the attention of the couple talking to Mr Seabury but to no avail. As the door banged shut he winced as all eyes immediately fell on him. Curling in on himself he cautiously approached the house. As he drew closer to the couple he knew it wouldn't be good for him. Although Mrs Washington was small and slight, she had a look about her that screamed no nonsense. And as for Mr Washington...he swallowed down the bile that had risen in his throat. The man had to be at least 6''2 and was strongly built. It would hurt when he hit Alex. Once Alexander was close enough for him to hear the couple they introduced themselves. Mrs Washington began, smiling as she said ' Welcome to our home Alexander, we're very glad to have you living with us. My name's Martha and this is George.' at this, she gestured to her husband. 'Would you like any help with the rest of your things?' A blush rose on his cheeks as he clutched his beloved backpack tightly, replying 'no this is all I have ma'am.' he looked down at his fidgeting hands. Suddenly, somebody had brought their hand down on his shoulder and he flinched violently. Hearing the couple talking in front of him he deduced that it had been Mr Seabury who had his hand on Alex's shoulder and he desperately hoped that the couple hadn't noticed him recoil from his caseworker's touch. Showing weakness never helped anything. Seabury grabbed his chin and forced his head around to face him. 'Listen here runt, I pulled a lot of strings to get you here so don't fuck it up or your next stop is a group home-' the man broke off as George turned to face them. 'Get your hands off my son'. The anger in George's face made Alex shrink into himself and take an instinctive step back. _Great job hamilton, you've only been here for five minutes and you've already managed to piss him off._ Lost in his thoughts he didn't register his case worker climbing into his car until he felt Mrs Washington lay a gentle hand on his back, ushering him inside, and he focused all his strength not to flinch away. As he stepped through the threshold a tall kid bounded down the stairs towards him, making him freeze as he was pulled into a tight hug. The boy seemed to be around his age and was at least a head taller than himself. Once he had been released the boy beamed at him. 'Bonjour mon ami, my name is Marie Joseph Paul Yves Roche Gilbert Du Mortier Marquis De Lafayette and I expect my full name to be used'. Alex's eyes widened. _Shit_ he thought, __well done dumbass you should have memorised it while you had the chance. Seemingly noticing his panicked face the teen in front of him continued ' I kid; most people just call me Lafayette, however, I must insist that you use they/them pronouns for me or we cannot be friends.' Alex nodded, he didn't want to upset Lafayette. After all, they had lived here for longer, the Washingtons would always be in their favour. The last thing he wanted to do was give them a reason to hate Alex. They would tell George and Martha and would undoubtedly send him away. That's how it always went. As he walked in he was taken aback by how large the house was. To say the foyer he was standing in was extravagant would be a huge understatement. The floor was a cool, white marble and large quantities paintings adorned the high walls and a high ceiling canopied the house below. Intricate designs snaked up the bannister of the large staircase in the centre of the room. Despite the beautiful decorations, Alex was on edge, to say the least. Seabury had left him yet again. Much as he hated the man he had been a constant; he knew what to expect from Seabury. Vaguely he wondered when this family would show their true colours; it usually only took a tiny slip up for things to take a turn for the worst and he wasn't about to believe any different here. One small reassurance was that there must be some good hiding places in a house this big. A light hand suddenly his and he flinched away, panic clear in his eyes as he faced Lafayette. They surveyed him with a worried glance. _Great, he already hates you. it seems you've got even worse at being a functioning human being._ the voice mocked him. 'Mon Ami?' Lafayette had spoken with trepidation, as though he wad worried about him. _'Yeah right, they just want you out of their hair as quickly as possible'._ Forcing himself to look up, he produced a small smile for the teen in front of him. 'I'm fine Lafayette.' Alex tried to convince the french teen. Still looking wary, they clasped Alex's hand tightly and began showing him around the extravagant house, providing different anecdotes about each area. Once they had ascended the grand stairs the french boy led him over to a large pair of mahogany wood doors. Alex's breath hitched in his throat when he read the plaque that adorned the doorframe above, heart filling with desire and longing. Library. His mind felt alight with excitement, but the voice was quick to drown it out. 'Don't think they'll let a little bastard orphan use it.' He knew voice was right, just as the person it belonged to had always been right though he still made a vow to try and sneak in as often as possible. Snapping back to reality, he let his new foster sibling show him the bedrooms. 'This, mon ami, is George and Martha's room, and next to it is George's office. My room is just here' Laf briefly pushed open a door revealing bright decorations in red white and blue coating the walls. After pushing their door shut, they led Alex to the next room along. 'And this, mon ami, is your room!' Lafayette opened the door with a flourish.' I apologise about how bare it is, however, we shall go shopping tomorrow to brighten it up oui? I shall leave you now to get some sleep. Bonne Nuit mon cher.' And with that, Lafayette left him room, closing the door behind him. Alone once again. He spent a while just walking around the room in awe. How could this whole room be his? While the rest of the house had a kind of rustic look with dark wood floors and furniture, this room had a fluffy white carpet and soft blue walls. A queen- sized bed sat in the centre of the room, brimming with fluffy cushions. A large desk at below an equally large bay window and the door that was placed next to an impossibly large closet (seriously, how could anyone haver enough clothes to fill it?) turned out to be his own bathroom. Sighing, he picked up his backpack and began unpacking. Obviously, it wouldn't last. Soon this would turn out like the others and he'd once again be helpless to stop it. After quickly unpacking his few belongings to avoid any mess that would annoy the Washington's and locking the door the boy finally let himself lay on the impossibly soft comforter draped over the bed and fell into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay translations:  
> Oui- Yes  
> Un- One  
> Deux- Two  
> Trois- Three  
> Mon ami- My friend  
> Bonjour- Hello  
> Mon cher- My dear  
> Bonne nuit- Good night
> 
> Thanks for reading, drop a kudos or comment if you enjoyed!


	2. Chapter 1

Alexander Hamilton had only been in the American foster system for 6 months and he had already lost hope in child protection services. A pool of dingy light barely filled the run down reception where the teenager sat. He despised the place, it reeked of dust and fear. Mainly due to the neglected janitorial jobs and equally neglected children that resided there. Alexander let out a barely audible sigh and cast his eyes to his hands shaking in his lap, knowing well enough the dismal sight he would be greeted with should he look up. He was used to it by now anyway. Behind a door to his left sat his case worked Mr Seabury, undoubtedly busy signing him away to the next hellhole CPS deemed a 'suitable foster placement'. At this point, Alex was resigned to the fact that his next 'home' would go to shit. They always did. Familiar shame filled him, he knew it was his fault. If he could only control himself, talk less and not be his usual, clumsy self he wouldn't have had to endure the harsh punishments and cold goodbyes. People like him didn't deserve to be treated well, he reminded himself. He was in America purely due to the sacrifices of others. When he was twelve his mother sacrificed the healthcare she so desperately needed to keep Alex alive. After the hurricane had hit others had sacrificed their money to get him sent to America. No, he didn't deserve kindness after he had taken so much. Despite his inner re-assurances, he couldn't help the familiar twinge of disappointment that overcame him. Before he had arrived in the states he had had high hopes for a better future, like many he had grasped the idea of the American dream and ran with it and,like many others, had watched this idea crash and burn around him. Just another failure to add the collection. The thump of a closing door effectively pulled him out of his thoughts and he stood immediately. Snarling, Mr Seabury clapped him unnecessarily hard on the back, causing him to flinch violently. A hand was placed firmly on his shaking shoulder and, try as he might, he couldn't escape the strong grasp. He was half guided-half shoved into the ancient honda civic that sat outside the dismal building, all while Alexander's mind echoed _pleasedon'ttouchmepleasedon'ttouchme._ Once he had been thrust into the car Alex hugged his backpack tightly to his chest, unconsciously pushing himself as far from his case worker as possible. Averting his eyes from the cramped interior of the now familiar car the teen stared out of the dusty window and watched the country scenery blur past him. After a while he finally worked up the courage to speak. Quietly, the boy asked 'w-where are we g-going?' An amused smirk passed over Mr Seabury's face at Alex's stutter but nonetheless passed him a black, plastic folder labelled A.Hamilton. He had never seen this before. Tentatively he opened the folder and recoiled when he was presented with the all-too-familiar profiles of Mr and Mrs king, he quickly turned the page but only came face to face with Mr Eaker who had been even worse. Knowing his last foster home would be on the next page he skipped over and was intrigued to see the smiling faces of a family he didn't recognise. Skimming over the information on the page he noted that they had another adopted child, a french boy judging by his extensive name. He really hoped he wouldn't be expected to memorise the whole thing. Scanning the rest of the paper he did a double take as he read the words' location: Mount Vernon, Virginia.' So that's where they were going. He slumped despairingly into the uncomfortable seat. He was going to be trapped. Mr Seabury had been highly reluctant to collect him from placements twenty minutes away, he definitely wouldn't travel all the way from New York. He felt his throat start to close up as panic settled in. There was no way out. Desperately he tried to calm his breathing, knowing that if Mr Seabury were to notice him he would see he was ever more fucked up than he thought. Un, Deux, Trois ,inhale, one two three exhale. Once he had finally calmed down Alex tried in vain to get comfortable for the long journey ahead. _This is going to be fun._

\- - - - - - - - - - - - 

Seemingly years later a pair of imposing gates had allowed them access and they had stopped in an obnoxiously long driveway. The gates had made him panic, it would be hard to get away quickly, if ( _when_ ,he mentally scolded himself) he needed too. His fear only increased as he looked at his new home. A huge house loomed above him, at least three stories, topped by a bright red roof, complete with large white pillars, dwarfing the couple stood outside with their size. A sinking feeling filled him. Great. Big houses were never good, it was easier to conceal what happened inside their walls with the facade of wealth. His first home had been similarly imposing. Oh, how naive he had been. He could still feel the unutterable delight he had felt at the idea of finally having the life he had dreamed of. If only he had known it was all about to go to shit... Repressing a shudder at the memory he attempted to get out of the car as quietly as possible as to not attract the attention of the couple talking to Mr Seabury but to no avail. As the door banged shut he winced as all eyes immediately fell on him. Curling in on himself he cautiously approached the house. As he drew closer to the couple he knew it wouldn't be good for him. Although Mrs Washington was small and slight, she had a look about her that screamed no nonsense. And as for Mr Washington...he swallowed down the bile that had risen in his throat. The man had to be at least 6''2 and was strongly built. It would hurt when he hit Alex. Once Alexander was close enough for him to hear the couple they introduced themselves. Mrs Washington began, smiling as she said ' Welcome to our home Alexander, we're very glad to have you living with us. My name's Martha and this is George.' at this, she gestured to her husband. 'Would you like any help with the rest of your things?' A blush rose on his cheeks as he clutched his beloved backpack tightly, replying 'no this is all I have ma'am.' he looked down at his fidgeting hands. Suddenly, somebody had brought their hand down on his shoulder and he flinched violently. Hearing the couple talking in front of him he deduced that it had been Mr Seabury who had his hand on Alex's shoulder and he desperately hoped that the couple hadn't noticed him recoil from his caseworker's touch. Showing weakness never helped anything. Seabury grabbed his chin and forced his head around to face him. 'Listen here runt, I pulled a lot of strings to get you here so don't fuck it up or your next stop is a group home-' the man broke off as George turned to face them. 'Get your hands off my son'. The anger in George's face made Alex shrink into himself and take an instinctive step back. _Great job hamilton, you've only been here for five minutes and you've already managed to piss him off._ Lost in his thoughts he didn't register his case worker climbing into his car until he felt Mrs Washington lay a gentle hand on his back, ushering him inside, and he focused all his strength not to flinch away. As he stepped through the threshold a tall kid bounded down the stairs towards him, making him freeze as he was pulled into a tight hug. The boy seemed to be around his age and was at least a head taller than himself. Once he had been released the boy beamed at him. 'Bonjour mon ami, my name is Marie Joseph Paul Yves Roche Gilbert Du Mortier Marquis De Lafayette and I expect my full name to be used'. Alex's eyes widened. _Shit_ he thought, __well done dumbass you should have memorised it while you had the chance. Seemingly noticing his panicked face the teen in front of him continued ' I kid; most people just call me Lafayette, however, I must insist that you use they/them pronouns for me or we cannot be friends.' Alex nodded, he didn't want to upset Lafayette. After all, they had lived here for longer, the Washingtons would always be in their favour. The last thing he wanted to do was give them a reason to hate Alex. They would tell George and Martha and would undoubtedly send him away. That's how it always went. As he walked in he was taken aback by how large the house was. To say the foyer he was standing in was extravagant would be a huge understatement. The floor was a cool, white marble and large quantities paintings adorned the high walls and a high ceiling canopied the house below. Intricate designs snaked up the bannister of the large staircase in the centre of the room. Despite the beautiful decorations, Alex was on edge, to say the least. Seabury had left him yet again. Much as he hated the man he had been a constant; he knew what to expect from Seabury. Vaguely he wondered when this family would show their true colours; it usually only took a tiny slip up for things to take a turn for the worst and he wasn't about to believe any different here. One small reassurance was that there must be some good hiding places in a house this big. A light hand suddenly his and he flinched away, panic clear in his eyes as he faced Lafayette. They surveyed him with a worried glance. _Great, he already hates you. it seems you've got even worse at being a functioning human being._ the voice mocked him. 'Mon Ami?' Lafayette had spoken with trepidation, as though he wad worried about him. _'Yeah right, they just want you out of their hair as quickly as possible'._ Forcing himself to look up, he produced a small smile for the teen in front of him. 'I'm fine Lafayette.' Alex tried to convince the french teen. Still looking wary, they clasped Alex's hand tightly and began showing him around the extravagant house, providing different anecdotes about each area. Once they had ascended the grand stairs the french boy led him over to a large pair of mahogany wood doors. Alex's breath hitched in his throat when he read the plaque that adorned the doorframe above, heart filling with desire and longing. Library. His mind felt alight with excitement, but the voice was quick to drown it out. 'Don't think they'll let a little bastard orphan use it.' He knew voice was right, just as the person it belonged to had always been right though he still made a vow to try and sneak in as often as possible. Snapping back to reality, he let his new foster sibling show him the bedrooms. 'This, mon ami, is George and Martha's room, and next to it is George's office. My room is just here' Laf briefly pushed open a door revealing bright decorations in red white and blue coating the walls. After pushing their door shut, they led Alex to the next room along. 'And this, mon ami, is your room!' Lafayette opened the door with a flourish.' I apologise about how bare it is, however, we shall go shopping tomorrow to brighten it up oui? I shall leave you now to get some sleep. Bonne Nuit mon cher.' And with that, Lafayette left him room, closing the door behind him. Alone once again. He spent a while just walking around the room in awe. How could this whole room be his? While the rest of the house had a kind of rustic look with dark wood floors and furniture, this room had a fluffy white carpet and soft blue walls. A queen- sized bed sat in the centre of the room, brimming with fluffy cushions. A large desk at below an equally large bay window and the door that was placed next to an impossibly large closet (seriously, how could anyone haver enough clothes to fill it?) turned out to be his own bathroom. Sighing, he picked up his backpack and began unpacking. Obviously, it wouldn't last. Soon this would turn out like the others and he'd once again be helpless to stop it. After quickly unpacking his few belongings to avoid any mess that would annoy the Washington's and locking the door the boy finally let himself lay on the impossibly soft comforter draped over the bed and fell into a dreamless sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Heyy so hopefully you enjoyed it. I update every Saturday but it may vary depending on if I finish early. Come hang with me on Tumblr @onedogonaskateboard Please bare in mind when reading that all my french is from google translate so sorry if it's wrong. Also fun fact: I remembered all of Lafayette's name by heart. 
> 
> Okay translations:  
> Oui- Yes  
> Un- One  
> Deux- Two  
> Trois- Three  
> Mon amie- My friend  
> Bonjour- Hello  
> Mon cher- My dear  
> Bonne nuit- Good night
> 
> Thanks for reading, drop a kudos or comment if you enjoyed!


End file.
